best joke edinburgh fringe 2015

... Edinburgh Fringe Jokes. Tom Neenan, 37 Why are disabled toilets big enough to run around in? Here are the honourable mentions that just missed out on a place in the Top 10: "I never lie on my CV... because it creases it." "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. Walsh also created a Pun Guide to the Fringe for this year's Festival, consisting of an animated video punning the name of almost every comedian performing in Edinburgh 2015. … #4. Keith Farnan, 41 Whenever I’m on a date with a girl I tell her she has an amazing laugh to trick her into thinking she’s been laughing a lot. Edinburgh Fringe: 25 funniest jokes of all-time, Rival comedian claims Edinburgh's funniest joke winner stole his gag, Save up to 20% on early 2021 holidays with Booking.com discounts, Save an extra 10% on women's styles from Principles with this Debenhams discount code, Exclusive Ideal World promo code: 20% saving on fitness, Discounts of up to 70% on super value goods with this AliExpress promo, Enjoy extra 10% off selected LG smart TVs with Argos discount code. - … I lost 6lb, but most of that was personality. by The Week team. Richard Gadd, 24 My father grew up in this really racist part of Boston, called Boston. #6. Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Darren Walsh. So I am literally embracing my childhood fears. That's tapas. A big list of edinburgh fringe jokes! Simon Munnery. She was wearing massive gloves. 1. Custardy battle.' The top 10 jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2019 have been announced, with comedian Olaf Falafel taking the coveted top spot. Tez Ilyas, 47 I’ve run this joke past all my black and ethnic-minority friends, and she said it was fine. The Edinburgh Fringe 'best joke' winners 2018 : Working at the jobcentre has to be a tense job, knowing that if you get fired you still have to come in the next day – Adam Rowe 2017 : I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change – Ken Cheng Now Scouse stand-up Adam Rowe has scooped the accolade of performing the most hilarious joke at the Fringe, with a gag about losing his job. Dave Green. 'Does anyone think that Camilla is what Princess Diana would look like if she survived the crash'. Laura Lexx, 31 My mother wears the burqa – mainly because she doesn’t want to be seen with my dad. Katherine Ryan, 4 Never date a tennis player. She was wearing massive gloves. If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go. Bridget Christie, 15 Life is like a box of chocolates. Take a look at some of Edinburgh's best jokes. Dane Baptiste, 34 Where does Mark Antony get his hair cut? Jo Brand, 50 I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. A joyful, sweaty jamboree: why the 2020 Edinburgh fringe will be missed Jeff Green, 28 In America it is so hard for white women to go to jail. The pun pundit, who won the Perrier newcomer award in … (Getty) #1. In Edinburgh with 'Punderbolt', his first-ever full length show, Peterborough comedian Darren Walsh scored a whopping 23% of the public vote for this little beauty... Dave's Top 10 Funniest Jokes from the Fringe Festival 2015. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth, "Let me tell you a little about myself. 1) "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. Previous acclaimed winners include Tim Vine, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm. Laughter is the best medicine, though it tends not to work in the case of impotence. Dave's Joke Of The Fringe is sponsored by TV channel Dave. I am appealing. Yianni, 20 How many people here are psychic? 25 August 2015. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat. - Jenny Collier, "If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith, "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one to one time" - Tom Ward, "Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. She was a vegan and refused to touch me.” ... Mark Nelson (2015) =8. A joke about vegetables has made it to the top of the menu as this year's funniest at the Edinburgh Fringe. Simon Munnery made the Edinburgh fringe top 10 joke list 2015 with his gag: 'Clowns divorce. His joke, that was voted for by viewers of TV channel Dave, saw the 39-year-old join a list of winners that includes Tim Vine and Stewart Francis. Stewart Francis Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse... but enough about Kanye West. Mark Nelson. Every year a TV channel called Dave chooses their favourite jokes of the fringe, and people vote for the best. Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. Edinburgh Fringe's best jokes: The funniest winners from the past 10 years' work. Check out the full list below. Pete Firman, 13 I was vegan for a while. A selection of the best jokes found on the internet. Blue sky at night. These are the 10 best jokes at Edinburgh Fringe 2019: . Sarah Ranken, 3 Joan Rivers got exactly what she wanted from that last surgery – to stop ageing. Lou Sanders, 46 I wasn’t sure about this beard at first but it’s grown on me. 2. Hailing from "a place called Peterborough", this isn't the first time Darren Walsh has appeared at the Fringe, but it is the first time he's taken on an hour-long performance. 2019 - Olaf Falafel. So they made a whole television show about the one time it happened.' I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels. Tom Parry, 23 My mate and I were in a pub debating where the barman originates from. Shazia Mirza, 32 Recently in court, I was found guilty of being egotistical. If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go. Credit: Facebook Ha ha. Edinburgh Festival Fringe entertainers perform on the Royal Mile (Image: Getty Images). They're always telling me to live my dreams. On being awarded the top spot, the 'punny-man' said: "I am delighted to win this award. ', ‘I worry that Rebecca Adlington will have an unfair advantage in the swimming by possessing a dolphin's face.’, ‘She's gagging for a rape. From Katherine Ryan and Andrew Lawrence to Aisling Bea and Milton Jones, Find your bookmarks in your Independent Premium section, under my profile. #3. 1. Bridget Christie, 48 After my grandfather’s funeral, I scattered his remains over the garden, which was horrible because he hadn’t been cremated. Raise my hand! 2016 - Masai Graham. Award-winning TV channel Dave has announced the winner of the eighth annual award for Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe.. Mark Nelson, 39 Went to my allotment and found that there was twice as much soil as there was the week before. Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It's Hans free. Tue, Aug 25, 2015, 09:05 Updated: Tue, Aug 25, 2015, 09:18 Comedian Darren Walsh after winning the Dave Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2015 award at the Edinburgh Fringe. How many LOLs would that get at an Australian comedy festival? – … I was going to do an episode about the best jokes from this year’s Edinburgh fringe. Who will win the Edinburgh Comedy Awards? Chris Turner, Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies. 25/08/2015 The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is at the forefront of UK comedy, and is known for being a hotbed of both leading comedic talent and up and coming bright young things. Pippa Evans, 14 I know you didn’t come here today to hear a rape joke but you’ve all come here dressed like you want to hear one so it’s not my fault. It’s Hans free” - Darren Walsh It was sole-destroying." (Getty), 'I have a theory that Jordan married a cage fighter cause she needed someone strong enough to stop Harvey from f***ing her.’, ‘Remember, it’s only sexual harassment if she’s more attractive then [sic] you.’, 'I blame her. If you want to offend terrorists, if you're a woman, wear a dress, and if you're a man, wear a dress. Kelly Kingham, 26 I was quite an upbeat child, I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel. In his first ever full length show, Edinburgh comedy pun-dit Darren Walsh has this year come top with 23% of respondents voting this their funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe:. Joel Dommett, 9 I went to Waterstones and asked the woman for a book about turtles. Someone asked me to do an episode about it actually. I have a personality. ", Darren Walsh's pun guide to Edinburgh comedians, Darren Walsh answers 10 Edinburgh Fringe Questions. That's tapas. Here, Alice Jones picks 50 of her 2015 favourites: 1 Two flies are playing football in a saucer. Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse... but enough about Kanye West. Finally, the moment we've been waiting for since last August - the funniest jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe! Sofie Hagen: 'I don’t do Crossfit. I have a drink opportunity. 2017 - Ken Cheng. Jo Brand, Jo Brand: 'Laughter is the best medicine, though it tends not to work in the case of impotence.' The Scandinavian funnyman - who goes by the name Olaf Falafel - … It’s Hans free. 2015 - Tommy Tiernan. Steve Bugeja, 30 My boyfriend and I used to argue over the duvet. Walsh tells the gag as part of his first full length festival show, which is titled Punderbolt. Alex Edelman, 25 My wife and I can never agree on holidays. Shepherd's delight. "Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything - loved it. “Yes.” Damien Slash, 43 I’m dating a PE teacher at the moment. Red sky at night. I just deleted all the German names off my phone. I thought that was a bit harsh – just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s going to shoot anyone', ‘There are some lines that just shouldn’t be crossed today. Dave's Joke Of The Fringe has now been running for 8 years and 2015 sees the youngest ever comedian feature in the competition's top jokes list, 12-year-old 'Grace The Child'. He said Native American. Blue sky at night. Darren Walsh has won Dave's Funniest Joke of The Fringe 2015. Harriet Kemsley, 22 I’ve just come back from a Club 18-30 holiday. Edinburgh Fringe: 25 funniest jokes of all-time Time to round up the gags we rate higher than Darren Walsh's 2015 winner Hayley Ellis made everyone laugh with her sex jokes in 2012 So they made a whole television show about the one time it happened. Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel has won … Custardy battle. 2. You’d think for that price they could afford a little kindness. -, Top 10 jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe 2015. Thanks Dave.". ', The Professional Footballers' Association later asked the comedian to pay back his fee, “And the Nazis did have flaws, but, you know, they did look f**king fantastic, let’s face it, while they were killing people on the basis of their religion and sexuality.”, ‘When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass. 11 So much for Taylor Swift. 2018 - Adam Rowe. Rob Auton, 27 They say children give you something money can’t buy. Adam Hess, 42 “Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.” “Was it something I said?” asks the son. Love means nothing to them. Day. The Edinburgh Festival acts as a showcase for the country’s best joke-tellers. Ian Smith, 36 Did you know if you count the number of stars in the universe and compare that to the number of grains of sand on a beach, you can ruin a holiday? Sofie Hagen, 19 When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Stewart Francis, Surely every car is a people carrier? What a punderful feeling. The 10 best jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe 2018 “In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. Charities expressed ‘disappointment’ after Olaf Falafel’s crack about Tourette’s won the Dave Joke of the Fringe 2019 award 0 comment IT was voted the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe last year, but now a comedian’s throwaway line about Tourette’s syndrome is inspiring new research into the complex and baffling condition. She sent back my trousers unmended! #5. #7. 10 best one-liners from the 2019 Edinburgh fringe **"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets". I said he was an Eskimo. Jena Friedman, Jena Friedman: 'In America it is so hard for white women to go to jail. I need to get out more. Comedian Tim Vine has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe. Shepherd's delight. Masai Graham. She asked: “Hardback?” and I was like: “Yeah, and little heads.” Mark Simmons, 10 Laughter is the best medicine, though it tends not to work in the case of impotence. ** The gag won 41% of the vote. Yes, poverty. It's Hans free. What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? The Edinburgh Fringe is well under way, so here are 50 of the best jokes you can expect to hear coming out of the Scottish capital: I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes, but that’s Heinz sight. Read more. I have a personality. Then I was born. To enjoy more jokes, check out the top 10 from other years: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" 55 jokes that should have won Funniest Joke of the Fringe… “I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.” Gary Delaney “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. One says to the other, “Make an effort, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow.” Tommy Tiernan, 2 Dominatrixes certainly are some rude people. Joe Lycett, 16 I wish I was a lesbian but I just don’t have the genes – which are dungarees. (Getty), Jena Friedman: 'In America it is so hard for white women to go to jail. Richard Soames, 44 I was going to scatter my father’s ashes but he was a big cricket fan so I thought I’d retain them. And she wants to come with me. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for... #10. Stewart Francis, 33 My skin is the biggest organ of my body, despite what stereotypes would lead you to believe. It's Hans free." Thünderbards, 49 My husband never learned to drive – in my opinion. Lost Voice Guy, 38 I was really disappointed that Kayne West and Kim Kardashian didn’t call their new kid Wicky Wicky Wicky Wild Wild. 6 of them, in fact! The plot thickens. Alun Cochrane, Clowns divorce. Milton Jones, 12 I spent the last three days, alone, trying to learn escapology. If she hadn’t been in that disabled toilet none of this would have happened. 23% of the 2000 respondents voting on the Dave panel chose "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. Could be a Chinese Wispa." Juliet Meyers, 6 My girlfriend asked me, “Is there anything you want to see at Glastonbury?” I said, “Yes, an Ebola outbreak.” Andrew Lawrence, 7 Maybe Hitler wouldn’t have been so grumpy if people hadn’t left him hanging for high-fives all the time. 1. In-a-barbus. What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? Edinburgh Fringe Jokes 2013 Seven of the best jokes from Edinburgh 2013. Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism" - James Acaster. Bring two of your mates, you’ll need them.’, 'I can never be gay because I can never f*** another man...because I can never f*** something that I respect. So they made a whole television show about the one time it happened.' Dave’s Top 10 Funniest Jokes from the Fringe Festival 2015: 1: “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. Grace The Child. Alfie Moore, 45 You have to think positively, for example, I don’t have a drink problem. Darren Walsh: I just deleted all the German names off my phone. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill. So why are we sad? I just deleted all the German names off my phone. (Getty) It's Hans free" as their funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe. I live in Edinburgh, and I went with a friend to help him get his clothes for a wedding... We were in … Chris Dugdale, 21 I’m allergic to nuts, which means that if I ever want to commit suicide I can do it by Ferrero Rocher. The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. I liked to sleep all stretched out like a starfish and he liked to sleep with a blonde lady called Leanne. Matt Winning, 5 Bonsai lovers are very tolerant people: they hate bigotry. Aisling Bea, 17 Did you know Kinder Surprise is German for “unwanted pregnancy?” Adam Hess, 18 I don’t do Crossfit. Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse... but enough about Kanye West. It lasted 12 years! Top 10 jokes of the Edinburgh fringe festival so far. Darren Walsh (/Pete Cunningham) “I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets.”. Rhys James, 8 People who process expired passports are so lazy, they’re always cutting corners. One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. 29 My dad’s a real family man – he’s got three of them. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! I just deleted all the German names off my phone. Kieran Hodgson, 35 If you don’t know what introspection is – you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. We'll have a chat afterwards.... Poor girl, do you want to come backstage after, yeah? They're always telling me to live my dreams. ', Jo Brand: 'Laughter is the best medicine, though it tends not to work in the case of impotence.' Tom Parry. Turns out he was an Eskimo. {{#verifyErrors}} {{message}} {{/verifyErrors}} {{^verifyErrors}} {{message}} {{/verifyErrors}}, Comedians say the most controversial things. Want to bookmark your favourite articles and stories to read or reference later? Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2015: best jokes from the past five years Is 2015 the funniest Fringe Festival of all? Winner of the first UK Pun Championship at the Leicester Comedy Festival in 2013, the 39 year-old has already published book of puns entitled Cheap Laughs. Want an ad-free experience?Subscribe to Independent Premium. A SWEDISH comedian's broccoli joke saw him steam ahead to claim the best gag title at this year's Edinburgh Fringe. Especially the finish line.’. From Flo & Joan to Stephen K Amos, standups share the material they would have taken to the fringe this year. =8. Day. That's not a miracle. Start your Independent Premium subscription today. That's not a miracle. Steve North, General Manager of Dave, commented: "The Fringe is renowned for being the best place to spot new and emerging comedy talent, and although there are some returning contenders in our top 10 this year, there is a high volume of new talent which is very exciting to see. Inuit all along. The prize for funniest joke of the Edinburgh Fringe has been won by Peterborough comedian Darren Walsh. The jokes are then published in the newspapers and shared around on social networks. #2. The stand-up comedian, who is known for his pun-based shows and has previously won the UK Pun Championships, was voted by a public panel as having the best one-liner from a shortlist drawn up by a panel of comedy critics. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston. It's Hans free." Red sky at night. Adam Hess. Darren Walsh, 40 The Bible would have been so different if Adam and Eve had simply decided to buy a PC instead.

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